Wednesday, July 31, 2002
Tales of A Penguin, and Other Tales.

there's a penguin, in alaska.
now, this may seem completely normal to you because, hey, alaska is cold, icy and full of furry nanook people, right? but nope. penguins only live in the cold, icy and full of fully people southern arctic pole. go figure.
but then yesterday, a fisherman in (you guessed it) alaska pulled up a penguin in his net. the penguin was fine, happy as a clam, with plenty of little fishies to eat. the question now becomes:
how did this happy little tuxedoed bird get to the polar opposite end of his world?
some explanations offered up by random zoology experts on NPR:
1. escaped from a zoo, somewhere in the arctic circle. not too likely since no penguin has been reported missing.
2. the most likely explanation is that it was taken aboard a fishing vessel as a pet and then unceremoniously dumped somewhere in the bering strait.

PetitHiboux, your tireless investigative reporter, has uncovered a different version of this seemingly harmless story.

My sources have confirmed for me that in truth, the penguin is on a secret, dangerous mission. This is a Penguin Historical Moment. It's revolutionary for the usually timid and law-abiding Penguin species. For years, those in charge of the Penguin community have known of these vast, penguin-less lands at the North Pole, "Alaska". For years, their strict religious dogma has forbid them from even considering such a blasphemous move from Antarctica, the home that has been Penguin Manifest Destiny for eons upon eons.

But now, one brave Penguin has been sent forth by a progressive secret organization, Penguins Expressing Need for Global Organization and Revolution (PENGOR). This one brave flightless waiter-bird, known only to his organization as Dude, has fearlessly crossed the tepid and dangerous waters of the Equator, forced to survive on boneless tropical fish and avoid the unknown terror of the "surfer" (all included in his comprehensive report to PENGOR). He has discovered that "Alaska", a hitherfore unknown territory full of foreboding warnings and countless disasters, is in fact, an exact replica of his own land.

As soon as Dude, our fearless Penguin hero, is released from the probing, bespeckled glare of zoologists and national media attention, he will bravely trek, icognito (he even did a stint as a waiter in Hawaii to make ends meet) and hungry, back to the welcoming arms of PENGOR, to slip into place the last piece of Penguin Revolution - The Migration North.

One shadowy member of PENGOR agreed to meet with me and discuss Dude's return. "The whole organization," he tells me at a seedy Penguin strip joint in the ghettos of West Antarctica, "depends on the Dude. We need to know what kind of food we have up there, what kind of ice, you know, the whole gamut." My informer takes a drag on his cigarillo and motions for another Arctic Chiller. "Personally, the Dude worries me. He's kind of a loner. But I hope he helps PENGOR's cause." At this point, my feathered and flightless friend spots a chillingly familiar sign - the red cummerbund of a Penguin Tails agent, the ruthless government organization formed to keep the Penguin population of Antarctica stupid, fat and on the Ice.

My informer slips off. So many unanswered questions. How will the Dude avoid anymore spotlight and return unnoticed to his home, using his revolutionary information about the suitability of Alaska as a home destination for the overcrowded Penguin population on the Ice? Is the Shadowy Informer really trustworthy? Did the Tails agent spot him? Do they work together?
But most importantly -
Will the Dude's unplanned yet passionate romance with Feathers, a Whooping Crane on the Hawaiian island of Maui, keep our dashing international hero from returning to his mission?
All this and more, in the next installment of -
Tales of A Penguin, and Other Tales.


love, krissa .... 10:44 PM ... link!

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Monday, July 29, 2002
an invitation.

hey my new york peeps!
where will you be august 12th and 13th at night?
well, I'll tell you where. you'll be cuddled up with me, and twenty other of your best friends, at a roof party in astoria. that's bloody where. from 2 am to dawn, we'll be watching the Perseid meteors (they come from Pluto!... I think.) and drinking the appropriate succession of alcohols until the wee hours of the morning.
we'll keep you posted.
thanks, matt, for the info.
love,
k


love, krissa .... 5:04 PM ... link!

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