Saturday, September 27, 2003
t minus seven hours..

to the opening party of the season. the fishnets are ready, the champagne is chilling, the tonic is bubbly, the fruit juices are fruity, the venue is being set up, and the troops are gathering.
shiv and i concur: there's only one thing missing, and that's some kate.

love, krissa .... 9:09 PM ... link!

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Friday, September 26, 2003
fishnets and mayhem

this weekend is the much planned, much anticipated Debauched Debutante Ball, cohosted by the spendiferous
shivlet and myself. there will be fishnets and garters and strapless dresses and punch and flowers and boys in suits and flashes of lace and debauchery by the truckload.

all i have to say is - boys, look out.

love, krissa .... 11:56 PM ... link!

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it all works out so nicely

i'm so glad stephanie's mum reads my website from time to time. other than it being such a great honor that she thinks i'm funny, i can now say:


love, krissa .... 8:53 PM ... link!

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a la carrie bradshaw at her laptop

i'm having a very voice-over, inner-monologue kind of day.

love, krissa .... 5:31 PM ... link!

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Thursday, September 25, 2003
charm goddess, rethunk...

.... then again, sometimes i'm such a complete hasty judgemental asshole when it comes to men, i think my self-appointed crown of Charm Queen of the Universe should be thoroughly and permanently revoked.

love, krissa .... 11:15 PM ... link!

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the Art of charm, part three

charm and love

unless you are a barbie or ken doll – anatomically outrageous and completely lacking in the reproductive bits – you’re familiar with the concept of romantic love. and while a lot of people use the word "charm" in relation to romantic love, what we all secretly know is:

love is a muddy horrible war zone filled with limping casualties, dangerous and completely unmarked landmines, constantly shifting enemies, and at the end of the day you’re lucky to be leaning back-to-back with one of your fellow soldiers, exhausted and scarred, passing back and forth a flask and talking about your childhoods.

however, all that unadulterated bollocks about love being fulfilling and spiritual has a point, because we all keep coming back from more like violent alcoholics, slurring our speech and demanding our fix. we come back time and again, even if its with the wrong person, at the wrong time, at the wrong place. that battlefield of love provides us with something we desperately need and want above all other things.

and much like sticking a daisy in the barrel of a gun aimed at your face didn’t much help that you had a gun aimed at your face, charm and grace can somehow make the agony of love prettier, lighter, more likely to cause good memories. and hey, maybe sometimes a daisy can stop a war, eh?

with that in mind, we’re going to take a trip through three stages of falling in love, point out the pitfalls and landmines, and show you how charm can help win a few scuffles here and there.

stage one: first date

atmosphere: nervous, exciting. he’s taking her to a restaurant, she’s wearing her lacy undies. these lacy undies will be an ongoing theme – keep an eye on them. not like that, you’re in class, behave.

pitfalls and landmines: you don’t know each other at all, essentially, and every word or phrase or joke you make is subject to about seven hundred thousand interpretations, all by the woman. and ladies, men simply don’t understand subtlety, so you think you’re showing him how gaga you are for him and he thinks you simply fancied a good meal and plan on mocking him later to your friends. two major pitfalls – how do we avoid them?

ladies: the key to being charming on the first date is really just be yourself. remember those guy friends you have that you can always flirt with and link your arm through without thinking twice? okay, be like that. because that’s really you at your flirty best. remember – there is barely any gesture too overt, short of taking your top off at the table and slathering your breasts with olive oil. men are dolts – show them you like them by actually flirting. radical, n’est ce pas? we usually do well on the date, so I will reserve most of the practical advice for the men.

gents: look, we know you’re a little nervous. try not to fidget, also, we know that you’re all essentially sweet creatures and you try and run around on the first date doing all the chivalrous things. don’t. it makes us feel like we’re being encircled by a pack of anxious chihuahuas. if you get to the door first, lovely, hold it open. if not, please don’t push a lady into oncoming traffic to hold the door/pull our chairs/get our coats/hail the cab. and when it comes to the check, if she says more than once that she insists on splitting it, FOR GOD’S SAKE let us pay for ourselves. most importantly - actually listen to her instead of fidgeting, opening doors, and fighting to pay the bill.

stage two: dating

atmosphere: ever seen two animals circling each other in the forest, unsure of their relation to each other? it's kind of like that, yeah. status of the lacy undies – lads, you shouldn’t be seeing the grannypanties at this point, she should still be trotting out her skimpy marvels. and women, he should still be making a relative effort to tidy up when you come over.

landmines and pitfalls: this is the time you will look back at with longing and nostalgia once you’re firmly entrenched in the relationship, although all you can think is how confusing and unclear it all is. the point is, this phase is quite fun when done right. some of the dangerous areas are: communication, meeting-of-the-friends, and sex.

communication: here’s the thing with dating – it’s violently unclear who calls whom, for what, and when. I’ve often bemoaned that there should just be a guidebook for this, because women end up fretting over whether or not THEY should call, email, or text and men end up having no idea when they should call or when they’ve called too much or what they said wrong and before you know it, it’s all gone to shit. so. the way to make sure this landmine is as charming as possible is – DROP THE RULES. if you’d like to see someone, call them. make it clear that you’re not simply calling for sex, like saying, "hello, I’d really like to see you, are you busy _____?" this is well-done and to the point. after half a dozen or so dates and/or you’ve slept together, it’s cute to slip in a little something sexy about the other person, to show them you’ve been thinking about them naked. yes, it’s bold. and yes, it always works. but the main point with communication is you spend more time fretting about what’s appropriate, when really, the other person es loco para ti, so just call them whenever and they’ll probably just get hot thinking about seeing you next. and that's charming.

meeting-of-the-friends: my, this one is dangerous. women think men compartmentalize too much and keep us as their "dirty secret", and men are completely freaked out because they know women keep few secrets from their girlfriends. the charmed way to handle this snake-in-a-basket is… get the friend thing out of the way early. the more it builds, the more nervous both parties are going to be. I’d say a month or so into dating at the very latest. pick a neutral kind of meeting, for instance, or if you have an enormous group of friends, try and filter it down, introduce him/her to some of the key members before you thrust him/her before a council of twenty five of your topshelf mates. also, especially if you’re very tight with your friends, avoid dragging your new love to every single friend-event, because while it’s great for you to have your mate along with your friends, it might actually be rather nerve-wracking for him/her. and if you’re the one meeting the friends – it’s sort of like being in the grip of a boa constrictor. just relax, don’t tense up, and maybe you’ll slither out intact. they will absolutely be sizing you up, make no mistake about it. if you can all just accept this and get to know each other, you’ll probably even like them – hell, you like your date, right? but if you tense up and wig out and act insecure and try and impress, her/his friends will see right through it and dislike you forever. no pressure, kids.

as for the secrets thing, lads – there’s simply nothing you can do but be charming and acknowledge that women tell their women friends everything. I suggest, to avoid conflict, that when you’re confiding in your ladyfriend something that really is quite personal, explicitly suggest she not tell ___ and ____, because otherwise, honestly, she will.

sex: sex while dating can be awkward even while its thrilling. you’re not really doing it often enough to really get into a rhythm, but you’re quite excited and eager. the other pitfall is that people are trying to impress each other, so they fall back on sex moves that worked with other people. sounds terrible, but it’s true. the most charming thing you can do in bed is be creative and original. forget everything you’ve done before – look at your new lover like an empty canvas. explore their body, find out which little bits work for whom and which should be avoided. this will make you far more memorable in the eyes of your new lover than simply switching on the "sex moves I know!" button and trying to fiddlingly align his/her machinery to yours. sex will get better – but then much later it’ll get worse.

stage three: the transition from dating to relationship

atmosphere: charged, wildly oscillating mood swings, but comfort and attraction combined. note, lads, she’s still dragging out the lacy undies for you, but not quite as often. girls, you've seen what his roommates are really like.

pitfalls and landmines: oh dear god everything. this is honestly, the most traumatizing and difficult because the notes played are starting to get serious. women and men choose to commit very differently. often, in this stage, the woman is thrilled with the level of closeness and comfort she's attained with you and wants to move closer, spend more time together, and exchange 'i love you's. men, often, are very happy staying crazy about you but the word love and time make them balk like untrained foals, mostly because they have some cockamamie notion that you're going to tie them to the bed and register them in your name forever. essentially, this transition is the gnashing rocks of a cliffside for a boat - they can be avoided, but they're deadly if you hit them at the wrong angle. frank, honest advice, and there's only two pieces of it:

talk, talk, talk: people often call this the three-six month mark crisis. it may seem incongruent and ridiculous, because for three months prior its been nothig but sex and fun, and now all of a sudden it's talky talky talky. but no matter how distasteful it may seem to say, "yar, i didn't like the way you did this," or "i'm sorry, what i need from this is _____", but because you're not used to it, it feels hard and unnatural and scary. or else you're trying to stall the relationship at permanent dating, and that's just not realistic. a few ways to be a charming discusser - always bring up a problem in a safe, non-threatening location. in front of a bar, on the way to a friend's house, and on the subway are all unacceptable, as is drunk or post-sex. another thing - don't use namby-pamby passive-agressive language. ever. say: this is the way things are, this is how i feel, how do you think?

listen, listen, listen: there's nothing less charming in the world than someone that's already made up their mind about you. this is the point in the relationship when you start to recognize someone else's flaws, weaknesses, and your own distaste for those things. so instead of resigning yourself to resentment over these things (which causes wrinkles which are distinctly uncharming) always remember to listen to him/her the way you did when you were gaga and gooey-eyed over them. ask them questions about what they're thinking, and then remember what they're not saying, as well - that they've made it this far with you, they obviously care about you even though the sexy undies are starting to slip and you've already cried on their shoulder. insecurities and demons will try and tell you that everything's going badly, bail now, cry now, doubt now. don't listen to them. listen to how much you like your mate, and how the best parts of you - the most charming parts of yourself - have been luminated by their smiles.

most important in this phase is that: remember to be the best person you can be, remember to keep putting that same charming dainty best foot forward that you did on your very first date. or else you'll just get bogged down in how hard it is to get serious about someone, and you'll completely forget why you're reaching for that goal to begin with.

and finally, as a quick bonus, remember this. relationships, no matter how passionate or serious or perfect or rocky or loving or tumultuous - they only go two ways: you stay together or you break up. and if the latter should happen, petit hiboux is always ready with a contingency plan.

the extremely abbreviated yet practical Art of Charm and Break Ups

1. take their number out of your phone.
2. call your friends.
3. drink, complain, cry, make out with a stranger, repeat.
4. thank your friends.

love, krissa .... 9:34 PM ... link!

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the third, highly secretive installment of the Art of Charm shall be posted 'round three o clock. stop badgering the artist, yeah?

love, krissa .... 7:47 PM ... link!

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the art of .. WHAT THE FUCK?!

i just bumped into my eighth grade boyfriend in the lobby of my building. the self-same eighth grade boyfriend who has become iconically funny in my lexicon of Dating Bad Men. in fact, the eighth grade boyfriend who must have given me a TASTE for Bad Men.




the eighth grade boyfriend that my mother still snarls about when she hears his name. the eighth grade boyfriend who was last living in california.
this eighth grade boyfriend. also, the eighth grade boyfriend of infamous name-writing-on-steph's-door and answering machine fame. THAT eighth grade boyfriend.

my head is spinning.

love, krissa .... 4:46 PM ... link!

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white wedding?

i'm just wondering: do you get that
smug self-satisfied look on your face when you buy the dress, or do you have to pay extra?

and do you really want bridesmaids who look like they want to fuck the priest?

don't ask me, i'm going to elope.

love, krissa .... 12:44 AM ... link!

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Wednesday, September 24, 2003
the Art of charm, part two of three

the Art of charm and friendships

you might be thinking, why do I need to charm my friends? I’ve belched national anthems in front of them and held their hair back while they chucked up half a bottle of vodka. but charm can be a delightful party favor and an effective way to keep your friends coming back for more. here are a few do’s and don’ts that will lead your friends to think you’ve sprouted charm virtually overnight.

1. DO make a mental list of 5-15 people that take a high priority in your life. if you’re not the Instant Messaging type, make sure you email/call them at least once a week to keep in touch. if you’re the scattered type, make little notes, like "E has a problem with her mother’s new boyfriend," or "make sure to remember F just started new job", or "listen to T prattle on about the new puppy". remember to ask them about their lives, not just ramble on about yours. this is what friends appreciate – when you call them and ask them specifically about the details of their life. it’s kind of like being some sort of celebrity. only with less paparazzi.

2. DON’T make plans you can’t keep, otherwise known as flaking out, especially with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. while it’s alright to flake out every now and then on your daily/weekly friends by saying, "dude, I’m seriously too beat / dude, I’m going to get laid / dude, I’m dead broke," it’s not okay to do this to casual friends or long-time-no-see friends. since these types of friends do not know your vie quotidienne, they will simply think you are a stupid flake who didn’t want to see them in the first place. this will set you back in their estimation. this is counter to our plan of charming the collective pants off the world.

3. DO play charming host/hostess any time your friends are visiting chez vous. simply flopping down on your couch, kicking off your shoes and turning on the telly is inappropriate when you have guests, unless your guest is the same best friend that watched you tinkle in the baby pool when you were three and break your teeth by biking directly into an oak tree at age fifteen. when you have friends over, DO make sure they’re comfortably seated, their thirsts are quenched and any other needs are satisfied. if they don’t know where your bathroom is, don’t simply send them in the general direction with a wave – walk them there. make sure you have food/drinks/ashtrays at your house, or else just don’t have your friends over, you lazy slob. DO tidy up a little if possible, because there’s nothing friends like less than sitting on a couch full of your dirty laundry and empty potato chip bags. if you’re like me, you’ll light some candles and make sure the bathroom smells fresh, as well as decorate the bedroom with fresh flowers [current rotation: orchids] if it’s that kind of visit. lastly, if you’re having a small get together, DO introduce one set of friends to another. there’s nothing more annoying that simply expecting complete strangers to mingle over punch. get off your lazy ass and exchange their names to get them started. as a side bonus, their chances of going home with each other will greatly increase and that means they’ll always think of you fondly. which, again, along with the global-pants-charming-off, is sort of the point.

4. DON’T be a sloppy malicious blabbermouth. no one likes a tattletale, and while it’s okay to discuss a mutual friend’s love life/job/slovenliness without malice over a pint, the rule is don’t say anything about an acquaintance that you couldn’t tell them to their face. for instance, the following conversation with a member of your circle is appropriate:
you: what do you think of B’s new boyfriend? I’m not sure about his dancing skills! (laugh)
friend: oh, I KNOW! we’ll have to tell B to give him some classes!

this alternate conversation is almost without exception, completely inappropriate:
you: what do you think of B’s new boyfriend? honestly, I think he’s
a consummate asshole and B deserves to be slapped for dating him.
friend: oh, I totally agree.

why is it inappropriate? because while your gossip-partner might agree with your casual dismissal of a mutual friend’s boyfriend, he/she may not necessarily care who else hears about your out-of-line assessment of someone else’s private life. she may be, in fact, one of those careless blabbermouths that bring down empires. this is where the "say it to their face" rule applies. if you could tease B about the boyfriend’s dancing faux pas, then it’s alright to remark on it to mutual friends "behind B’s back". otherwise, keep those juicy bits of gossip strictly limited to those two or three friends with whom you have an understood vault. then, by all means, luridly gossip away. I know I do.

5. lastly, DO remind your friends and loved ones on a regular basis how much they mean to you. not just in gestures, like remembering their birthday or rule #1, but also verbally. it’s a harsh world out there, always looking to give one a thrashing, so there’s nothing quite like hearing from a friend how great they think one is. so, when you see a friend you haven’t seen in a while, give them a big hug and a smile and tell them you’ve missed their friendly presence. make sure when a friend is down on themselves, you remind them how smashingly fun and wonderful you think they are. if you see a funny greeting card that reminds you of someone far away, send it to them for no reason. if you are one of those emotionally crippled human beings that has a hell of a time expressing any type of deep or caring emotions, and run screaming away from words like, "love" and "close" and "need", then stop reading this immediately – you may become successful, shrewd, wise, or rich but you’ll never be charming. for the rest of you, frequently reminding your pals that you think they’re a right-on group of individuals is both a nice way to perk up their lives, and thus a way to assure that people will be around for YOU when you need them. it’s a give and take, yeah?

those five brief tips should help you navigate the fun but often fraught-with-faux-pas landmines of the friendship world. that you’re a generally good person and not a complete raging misanthrope, of course, is essential to success. but even good people fail on charm, and so these five nuggets of charm should help you elevate your goodness to mythic levels. from now on, you will no longer be described as "yah, bob’s a good chap, I suppose" because no one can think of what you’ve done wrong, but rather, "man, that bob! such a good guy, always with a smile and a kind word. no get-together is the same without bob, eh?" which, of course, is your ultimate goal.

love, krissa .... 8:52 PM ... link!

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nb... since girls-in-arms kate and karen have taken to sharing their uncovered "Art of..." files, it seems only appropriate that i should share my own discoveries in the world of londonmark-imitation. i'm sure he'll take it as the sincerest form of flattery. funny i should mention flattery, as today we will be approaching the subject of...

the Art of charm

you might think that charm is simply a false, pandering method employed by politicians, ballroom dancers and martha stewart. you’re wrong. charm is an almost forgotten art, like the art of courting and sewing. the art of charm serves a delightful double purpose – while it manages to bring joy to the world around you, it’s also a ragingly effective way to get what you want, all the time. hence, "living the charmed life".

now - while I may be a simpering dilettante in many other arenas of life, I pride myself on being effortlessly, ruthlessly, and meltingly charming. as such, I’ll go ahead and call myself an "expert", since you’re more likely to listen to me if I have credentials. now, there are a few basic areas we need to cover, and then you’re ready to go into the world and emit charm. today, this panel will address …

charm and the stranger

let’s face it. unless you live in a tiny, particularly friendly village in the wilds of canada or some other godforsaken province, where you’re related to everyone and no one has grueling 9-to-5 jobs and mortage payments, chances are you’ve had unpleasant interactions with strangers before. I will use an important and universal example to briefly demonstrate how charm can come in handy in a pinch.

situaton: you’re standing at your local deli counter and you quickly mumble a grumpy tired request ciggies and coffee, like this: "mumble mumble camel lights and coffee black with sugar, three". you’re not particularly being grumpy to your deli man, you’ve got nothing against him. you’re just bloody exhausted and your mother was nagging you on the phone this morning and you couldn’t find your favorite black shoes so you had to wear brown ones that throw your whole outfit off-kilter. for whatever reason, you can barely stumble out a decent human greeting to the man providing you with two of your most treasured addictions. when you reach into your pocket, you realize you’re 50 cents completely short. your deli man shrugs, takes back the hallowed cigarettes, and dumps your cofffee. what’s it to him that you don’t get your fix(es)?

alternate situation: go back to the point where you come in tired and grumpy looking for your cigs/coffee. leave in the bit about the mother and the shoes, but this time, when you open the deli door and the deli man looks up at the jangly noise (for there’s always a jangly noise), do something different. smile at your deli man. you can smile ruefully, as if to say "isn’t it sodding early in the morning?" or you can smile cheerfully and imply "I am genuinely happy to see you, man who serves me coffee, even though I don’t know you". doesn’t matter how. but smile at him. open your tired, grumpy, spoiled mouth and say "hello!" when you walk up to the counter. now your deli man will respond with, "hello!" in return. now say, "I’d like a pack of camel lights and a black coffee, three sugars please." don’t simply mumble the product names and make the deli man feel like nothing more than a robot retrieving sellable goods. use the inbetweeny words as well. now - when you dig around in your oversized bag and realize you are fifty cents short, the deli man is more likely to agree when you promise him to swing by on your way home and give him the requisite small change which is admittedly not keeping his business afloat. you will walk out of the deli establishment with BOTH your fixes intact.

see how charm affected the situation? what has happened now is that the deli man understands that you are treating him like a worthy fellow human being. he stands behind that smelly counter all day, dealing with snippy horrible monsters of people who simply come in and bark their demands at him, even though they make four times what he makes and go to the shore on the weekends. but now the deli man recognizes you as someone who treats him well, and it never hurts to have a deli man on your side. my deli man even gave me a starburst when it was my birthday because I’m always so sweet to him and I ask about his wife who was ailing last month.

some other situations in which charm and interactions with strangers collide:

1. smile at people with whom you make eye contact on the subway. if you at least acknowledge that you’re both riding into the bowels of hell on a one-way train, someone might actually yield a seat to you, or not shove you into your own cup of coffee while trying to exit the train.

2. when talking to customer service people on the phone – paying a bill, reserving a flight, solving a retail dispute – be incredibly nice to them. speak full sentences, do not yell, and make it clear you understand that your ripped shirt/unsatisfactory plane seats/high bills are not personally their fault. these people, these disembodied voices, have been known to bend over backwards to help you if you apply the right amount of charm and understanding and speak like a decent educated human being instead of someone barking at a disobedient dog who’s just tinkled on the sofa.

3. don’t mock taxi drivers, their countries, or other taxi drivers. you’re in their car and the doors are locked. this isn’t a matter of charm, it’s a matter of stupidity. if you have a conflict with the direction the driver is taking or the way he drives, simply politely lean forward and address it to him. this will dramatically increase your chances of a. surviving and b. not being thrown in some karmic version of hell for being a nasty twit to foreign taxi drivers.

in conclusion: using simple methods of politeness, mutual acknowledgement of humanity, and a winning smile will take you miles when it comes to interacting with total strangers you’ll never see again. because even people that you may never see again can actually better your life and do things your way. when people do things your way, you're generally happier. this, in turn, will prove to yourself and the world that you do, indeed, live a charmed life.

stay tuned for: the Art of charm and friends, next.

love, krissa .... 6:54 PM ... link!

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calling all men boys. because let's face it. you're all boys.

i know this blog is so incredibly girl powered, your computer sometimes smells like sugar and spice and everything nice. well, it's time to turn the tables a little. boy, we have a question for you.

if you were offered a lifetime of beer, sex, television, food, and your buddies.... would you willingly give up the right to vote and work?

nb - this is in now way related to a plot to take over the world. any errant spy-penguins that told you that should be shot on sight.

love, krissa .... 7:04 AM ... link!

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Tuesday, September 23, 2003
jet setter

once every six months, i invent some flim-flam excuse to go down dixie way and soak of the polar opposite that is the lone star state. i spent my
twenty-second birthday in austin, went to raychul's wedding in january, and spent memorial day weekend simply carousing around dallASS.

going home to texas reminds me of being younger, less complicated, more giddy. it also takes me back to four of the most necessary and amazing people in my life - my touchstones - and when i come back to texas, they crowd round whatever city we end up in and i spend the weekend soaking up their friendship and their laughter. between my brother and my three best friends from high school, they're the only people in my life that have really known me more than five years. which means, they know embarassing stories about me.

and it seems, i'm at it again. i've booked my next texas-bound voyage. when erin and i realized the weekend following the october LSAT was a holiday weekend, and i realized i had a mileage ticket, well... it was kismet, wasn't it? so i'm gleefully flying home to texas on october 10th, to spend three days and three nights carousing austin, playing with my brother's cats, eating at all my favorite restaurants, driving the wide texas highways with my girls, laughing until dr. pepper comes out my nose, and generally restoring my sanity.

on a related note, it's going to be a busy travel season, so pH might well be coming to a town near you. i plan on taking a weekend jaunt down to DC at some point in november to scope out the law schools and take in the town. december will hopefully find me celebrating drunken christmas and new years on the beach in brasil with my friends and family. january's escape to warmer climes will hopefully be a long-weekend-dash to sunny southern california, to gawk at LA and run screaming into kate's open arms. and finally, excitedly, i'm making rumbly prepared noises to touch down in foggy london town for a smattering of days in march, to visit old friends like stephanie [who apparently has prearranged me an in-town boyfriend already] and a handful of my old kenya pals. as well as, of course, the london blogging contingency.

all that leaves is february. anyone want to take me somewhere?

love, krissa .... 11:46 PM ... link!

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grumps, redux

yesterday surveys the damage of his wrath and says, "man, there's no WAY anyone could top me."

today lets out a torrent of driving rain and screams, "WANNA BET?!?"

love, krissa .... 6:30 PM ... link!

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legs, jelly

the upside to playing an hour and a half of squash: "take THAT, monday!"

the downside to playing an hour and a half of squash: ow. ow. OW.

love, krissa .... 4:55 PM ... link!

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five fold!

seems like the key to turning my day-long frown upside down is:

secret wicked plans with
leaving the office.
a bottle of chateaunuef-du-pape.
the possibility of a good night kiss.

five is the magic number, babies.

love, krissa .... 1:42 AM ... link!

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Monday, September 22, 2003
six little lines

it's hard to see his hastily scribbled handwriting on an envelope, an envelope containing what feels like the final divorce papers, borne from a stupid fight, fought with harsh words and harsher silences. it's hard to see the handwriting that once prompted me to save a voided check, simply because it was his [i still have it]. it's hard to see how he didn't even write out my first name, like perhaps it hurt to see it in print. it's hard to see our two names, our two lives once so intertwined, on one piece of paper but with such different addresses. it's hard to say his name in my head, because it still feels natural next to mine. i once said that this felt like losing a limb and then unwittingly trying to use it, only to experience the shock of loss all over again. seeing our names in print has flexed that lost appendage, if only for five minutes. while i know the way things went down, i find myself momentarily wishing they hadn't when i see those six little lines.

and although i am far past the weeping and consolation and cupcakes stage, although i explained the unravelling to myself and others in language that ceases to elicit tears from my eyes, although i have made my peace with the end of something that once seemed mighty and indestructible... it's still hard.

especially in print.

love, krissa .... 10:32 PM ... link!

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not even you can make me smile.

you know when you're having one of those mornings when you want to blame everything else for your sudden desire to burst into churlish raging tears? like, for instance, the copy machine, the weather, your stapler, your mother, your computer, the government, and your very own dreams?

where you sit there bemoaning all those little things that are making you batshit insane, and it seems perfectly reasonable to launch vitriol at them?

and then all of a sudden, you realize you're hurling insults at a stapler, for the love of baby jesus, what the hell is wrong with you? and you realize, it's not the stapler, it's not jesus either, its not even your mother. it's just YOU, sucker. YOU'RE the problem. call it dopamine levels gone wonky, maybe its that time of the hormone chart, maybe you just woke up on the churlish side of the bed.

i'm having one of those mornings. twice, the copier has personally selected 11x14 when i stood there demanding Letter size. my internet has been slower than molasses dripping off a spoon. emails i've been waiting for won't come, while tons of emails i'm completely uninterested in have been flooding in by the boatload, making nail-grindingly annoying little *DING* noises every five minutes. the stapler - i can't discuss what happened with the stapler, it's too much. our office is so cold that my muscles are atrophying. irritation and tense muscles seem to be the order of the day.

i want my big cozy bed. i want a delicious meal cooked for me, IN bed. i want a book, i want some music, i want live music. i want a cupcake. i want three cupcakes and a vodka tonic. i want silence. i want company. i want to curl up on a big warm couch and watch a funny movie. i want to walk down an empty street. i want a warm hug. i want lots of warm hugs. i want to go shopping for vegetables on a warm sunny sunday morning. i want to fall asleep talking on the phone to people i love.

i want it to be tomorrow, yesterday, or tonight. i want it to be anything but now, to be anywhere but here, and to have any mood but my own.

you know?

UPDATE - 4:43 PM... the solution, it seems, is to make a squash court reservation so that you can anticipate SLAMMING A VERY SMALL BALL AROUND WITH A RAQUET for an hour. take THAT, stapler! take THAT, jesus!

love, krissa .... 7:22 PM ... link!

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mmpphhhfff coffee.

i need a full weekend to recover from my weekend, y'all.

love, krissa .... 5:38 PM ... link!

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how it is, with lamb

lamb roasts are fun. especially when you spend two hours on the train to get there, being so ridiculous with four other people that you nearly clear out the rest of your traincar. then even more so when your
girl picks you up in an old-school merc. then it gets better when her greek dad gives you big hugs when he sees you and lets you try a dominican cigar.

then it gets better when you eat the lamb. then it gets topped when you ask greekdad where he got a whole lamb, and your friend goes, "mary?"

then it starts to get crazy. jacob gnaws on jawbone. penni shows the lamb who's boss. inexplicably, a red cult is formed. people look at me like i know what i'm saying.

and even when everything's everything's copasetic, it still gets a little wild.

everyone's happy. except the poor little lamb. and mary.

much thanks to my new pal jP for being so snap-happy.

love, krissa .... 5:36 AM ... link!

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