Friday, April 02, 2004
the bestest kiss

[thanks to jason for being there with the camera. and to stuart. for like, being.]

love, krissa .... 1:36 AM ... link!

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Thursday, April 01, 2004
the cat *meeeeowwww* is outta the bag

i have a greek-bred superstition about broadcasting good news before it's set in stone or already happened. but since my
shiny new publisher-man has decided to publish the list of bloggers included in cyan's first book, let me just take this opportunity to say:


i wonder if people ever get used to the words, "hi, we'd like to publish you". does salman put down the phone, rub his wrinkly forehead and sigh with boredom? do any of the many johns groan inwardly at the words "bestseller!" and "brilliant!"? does james patterson, at this point, hate the sight of his name in gaudy raised letters at airport bookstores? on second thought, he should. james patterson, stop writing. seriously.

i have always wanted to be a writer. as a child, i made little daily books for my family, writing down carefully the day's events and copying them meticulously before stapling together the various pages and illustrating it. then i'd have a hugely successful wide-release throughout the house and celebrate with skittles. my mother looked at me with sarcasm when i told her, in my teens, "i think i want to be a writer." she sighed exasperatedly and said, "you've always been a writer. that's what you're going to do."

and here, this little blog that i started so off-the-cuffedly, is bringing me to a path i had almost given up on. thanks, guys. thanks, josh. thanks, brain. and here i go. step one, how are you doing today?

love, krissa .... 7:43 PM ... link!

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a small poem

"Among the men and women, the multitude,  
I perceive one picking me out by secret and divine signs,  
Acknowledging none else—not parent, wife, husband, brother, child, any nearer than I am;  
Some are baffled—But that one is not—that one knows me.  
Ah, lover and perfect equal!          
I meant that you should discover me so, by my faint indirections;  
And I, when I meet you, mean to discover you by the like in you."
- Walt Whitman

i read that poem for the first time at sixteen. a week ago, i read it to you in bed. and i meant every word.

love, krissa .... 2:02 AM ... link!

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Monday, March 29, 2004
she never gives in, she just changes her mind

my junior year in college found me stir-crazy and dissatisfied with life. in that state of mind, i flung myself into the idea of spending the second semester of my senior year abroad, in london. i applied, hoped, dreamed, and recieved an acceptance letter to UCL right after september 11th.

by then, however, my senior year was shaping up to be a barrelful of fun. friends returning from overseas, no more newspaper-running chaos, enjoying my photography class... so i wandered around for a few days, offering my indecision on the grounds that the world seemed like a much more unsafe place after 9/11. most friends and family took this with an understanding nod.

i bumped into marvin, a psychology professor i'd studied with and gotten along with famously. when he asked about whether i was still going abroad, i offered up that stock response. marvin took one look at me, smirked, and said i was being an idiot. of all people he knew, he said, i was the least likely to be afraid of anything overseas. he took a moment, looked closely at my face, and said, "no, that's not the reason at all. it's simply that you've changed your mind and you're afraid of looking foolish so you've concocted this other seemingly rational reason." seeing my surprised look of agreement, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "live your life, krissa. and don't be afraid to turn on a dime."

it was the first time i'd ever heard that expression outside the context of a car's turning radius. i understood, however, that following a path simply because it was the path you'd decided to travel was no way to live a fearless life. time and time again, since that talk with marvin, i've had cause to remember it. take the easy route? follow through on stated desires or plans? or allow yourself the freedom to change your mind?

for years, since the termination of my last long-term, serious relationship at twenty, i've sworn off the idea of "love" at first sight. no, no, i said. you can like, lust, someone without knowing them well. but love? no. love takes time, and trust, and a deep understanding of the other person. love is not instant.

then i met stuart. and the combination of how well we get along, with our shared belief in fearless emotional honesty... it was like a chemical fire. i opened my heart without compunction or distrust and he did the same. and you can call it whatever you want. yes, it's new. yes, there are years of trust and time that need to accumulate for everyone else to accept wholeheartedly the idea of true love between us. but we do.

i could have rationalized this by calling it a different kind of love, or something leading up to love. that would have allowed my prior beliefs to rest comfortably in place while making room for this amazing, inspiring, deeply loving and beautiful man in my life.

but i didn't. i'm not rationalizing anything. i have fallen in love. i have changed my mind. i have switched my path. i will continue to do what it takes to keep him in my life. i love him, and i have thrown my arms around him without the slightest reservation. for me to do anything less radical would be an insult to this beautiful thing we've found in each other. so i've turned on a dime.

and i couldn't be happier.

love, krissa .... 8:09 PM ... link!

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Sunday, March 28, 2004
city of bankerly love

i'm a little disturbed by philadelphia. specifically, the corner of 17th and walnut. here in the heart of "center city" i'm sitting at an internet cafe. let me rephrase that. the ING Direct Cafe. wherein casual passerbys can purchase incredibly inexpensive coffee, use free internet, and chat with the baristas who are, it seems... qualified banking experts.

beyond my fear that i'm going to walk out of here with an unwanted checking account attached to my back... how sad is it that bankers are now serving coffee to plebians? what DO they put on their nametags at business school reunions?

oh, it just got worse. now they're playing oasis.

love, krissa .... 9:37 PM ... link!

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